Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
