my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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