she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
