Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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