I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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