I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
