Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
