so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize