i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
