He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
