so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
