conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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