I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
did i walk over a car last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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