if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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