i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
