oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize