Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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