weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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