There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
