a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
