Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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