So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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