Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
