Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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