So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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