my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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