i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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