Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I smell like Dick and happiness
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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