He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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