I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't deserve a penis
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
