Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
3 2 1 whiskey
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
