We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
And then he peed in my hair
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