WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize