he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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