3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we're making bets on your personal life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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