when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
