Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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