you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
