On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize