I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
