I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
