i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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