Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
