im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im holly from the hills drunk
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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