What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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