i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
