did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
