i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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