his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
