you didnt know i had herpes?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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