I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
