if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize