wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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