drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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