her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
