She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
