he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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