i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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