i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
