one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
