Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
