hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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