I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
