I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
